Tariq Mahmood Awan
Why do we feel so alone?
A possible expression of loneliness may be the silent cry of a soul that longs for connection.
Modern man may feel more lonely because of rapid societal transformations and challenges. Modern man lives in a fast-paced and competitive world where he has to cope with stress, pressure, and apprehension. He may also lose identity, meaning, and direction as he struggles to find his calling and purpose. Modern man may also experience a lack of social support as he becomes more isolated and disconnected from his family, friends, and community. He may also rely more on technology and social media, which can provide superficial and fleeting interactions but not honest and unremitting relationships. All these factors can make a modern man feel more lonely and unhappy.
Critically evaluating why humans feel lonely despite having relations, people, and successes requires an in-depth analysis of the various factors contributing to this phenomenon. Having ties, people, or wins does not necessarily secure happiness or fulfilment. The quality of these elements counts more than the quantity. For example, a person may have many friends or acquaintances but feel lonely if they do not share their interests, values, or emotions. Similarly, a person may have a successful career or finances but feel lonely if they need a sense of purpose or passion for what they do.
Likewise, keeping relations, people, or conquests may also create idealistic expectations for oneself or others. For example, a person may expect their partner to fulfil all their emotional needs or their family to support all their decisions. When these expectations are not met, the person may feel disappointed, frustrated, or betrayed. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment.
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Loneliness is a complex and universal human experience that can affect anyone, regardless of their social circumstances. There are many possible reasons why we feel alone despite being surrounded by so many people and social gadgets.
Social isolation refers to the lack of contact or interaction with other people. It can be caused by factors such as physical distance, lack of transportation, disability, illness, or stigma. Social isolation can make us feel lonely because we lack the support, companionship, and sense of belonging from meaningful relationships.
Poor social skills lead to difficulty communicating, expressing, or understanding emotions, needs, and preferences. They can be caused by factors such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, trauma, or autism spectrum disorder. Poor social skills can make us feel lonely because we struggle to connect with others, form friendships, or maintain relationships.
Introversion is directed to the preference for solitude, quietness, and introspection. It is a personality trait that is not necessarily negative or pathological. However, introversion can make us feel lonely if we do not balance our need for alone time with our need for social interaction. Introverts may also face challenges in finding compatible partners or friends who share their interests and values.
Depression is a mood disorder characterized by persistent sadness, hopelessness, and loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable. It can be caused by factors such as genetics, brain chemistry, trauma, stress, or life events. Depression can make us feel lonely because it affects our motivation, energy, and self-esteem. It can also impair our ability to reach out for help or accept support from others.
Capitalism and individualism refer to the economic and cultural systems emphasizing competition, consumption, and self-reliance. They can be seen as the historical and social causes of loneliness that shape our modern society. Capitalism and individualism can make us feel lonely because they create a sense of alienation, exploitation, and superficiality. They also erode our sense of community, solidarity, and purpose.
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Purpose in life is a psychological construct that refers to the sense of meaning, direction, and significance one derives from one’s activities and goals. It is often associated with positive outcomes such as well-being, happiness, resilience, and health. On the other hand, loneliness is a negative emotional state resulting from the perceived discrepancy between one’s desired and actual social relationships. It is often associated with adverse outcomes such as depression, anxiety, stress, and mortality.
According to recent studies, purpose in life can be a powerful buffer against loneliness, especially during challenging times. The researchers suggest that having a purpose in life can reduce the negative impact of loneliness on one’s mental and physical health, as well as increase one’s motivation to engage in protective behaviours. Moreover, purpose in life can also enhance one’s social connectedness by providing opportunities for meaningful interactions and contributions to others.
Accordingly, it is significant to consider the human instincts, emotions, desires, and ambitions that underlie these phenomena. One possible framework is the self-determination theory (SDT), which proposes that humans have three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Autonomy refers to the need to act according to one’s values and interests; competence refers to the need to master challenges and achieve goals; and relatedness refers to the need to form close and supportive relationships with others.
According to SDT, when these needs are satisfied, people experience optimal well-being and motivation; when these needs are thwarted, people experience psychological distress and dysfunction. Purpose in life can fulfil these needs by providing a coherent framework for one’s actions and aspirations. On the other hand, loneliness can be seen as a way of violating these needs by creating a sense of isolation and alienation from others. Therefore, purpose in life can counter the loneliness of modern man by satisfying the basic psychological needs essential for human flourishing. By having a purpose in life, one can feel autonomous by pursuing one’s passions and values, feel competent by overcoming obstacles and achieving milestones, and feel related by connecting with others who share one’s vision and mission.
Lastly, there is no reason to feel alone in the world. Let our passions drive us for aesthetical and poetic justice! We may seek refuge in ourselves, identify our purposes, and live accordingly. Why should we not be our best friends?
