Tariq Mahmood Awan
The term, To err is human, to forgive divine always drives me to think about the concept of forgiveness. There are social, cultural and social reasons to forgive or not to forgive. However, the attribute is a part of human makeup and one of our most potent ethical codes. Then, it is the toughest challenge to forgive others. Dissecting further the concept of forgiveness, one can only forgive at a position of strength. Then, being weak, one does not have the luxury to forgive. Forgiveness is a sacred and sublime value committed to the best of one’s personality. The people who forgive at the position of strength are men of honour and integrity.
Forgiveness is a complex and multidimensional concept that can have significant implications for the emotional, ethical, cultural, relational, administrative and behavioural growth and development of humans. Forgiveness can be defined as a process of moving from ill will to goodwill toward offenders and as compatible with various forms of justice. Forgiveness can also contribute to the emerging relationally based theory of peacemaking, as it can foster reconciliation and the restoration of the right relationship. In this article, I will critically explain the significance of forgiveness in terms of these dimensions.
Forgiveness can positively affect the emotional well-being of both the forgiver and the forgiven. Forgiveness can reduce negative emotions such as anger, resentment, bitterness, and hostility and increase positive emotions such as compassion, empathy, and love. Forgiveness can also enhance self-esteem, self-worth, and self-acceptance, as well as reduce psychological distress, depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Forgiveness can also promote happiness, satisfaction, and peace of mind.
Forgiveness can reflect the moral values and principles of the forgiver and the forgiven. Forgiveness can demonstrate virtues such as generosity, humility, mercy, grace, and justice1. Forgiveness can also express respect for human dignity, rights, and responsibilities. Forgiveness can also challenge the cycle of violence, revenge, and retaliation and promote nonviolence, reconciliation, and restorative justice. Forgiveness can also inspire moral growth and development in oneself and others.
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The cultural norms and expectations of the forgiver and the forgiven can influence forgiveness. Forgiveness can vary in its meaning, expression, and practice across different cultures. For example, some cultures may emphasize the cognitive aspects of forgiveness (such as understanding and reasoning), while others may emphasize the emotional aspects (such as feeling and healing). Some cultures may value forgiveness as a personal choice or a divine commandment, while others may view it as a social obligation or a communal ritual. Forgiveness can also facilitate cross-cultural understanding, dialogue, and cooperation.
Forgiveness can affect the quality and dynamics of the relationships between the forgiver and the forgiven. Forgiveness can restore trust, respect, and intimacy in damaged or broken relationships. Forgiveness can also enhance communication, cooperation, and conflict resolution in ongoing or future relationships. Forgiveness can also strengthen social bonds and networks among individuals, groups, and communities. Forgiveness can also foster relational ethics, which is the expectation of fairness and reciprocity in relationships.
Forgiveness can affect the organizational and institutional structures and policies that govern the forgiver and the forgiven. Forgiveness can improve employees’ and leaders’ performance, productivity, and creativity in various settings. Forgiveness can also increase workers’ and managers’ psychological safety, engagement, and loyalty in different organizations. It is also very important for the organizational cultures in Pakistan, especially among the public sector in Pakistan. Forgiveness can also enhance the reputation, credibility, and legitimacy of institutions and authorities in diverse contexts. Forgiveness can also foster leadership development, organizational learning, and social innovation.
Forgiveness can influence the actions and reactions of the forgiver and the forgiven. Forgiveness can reduce aggressive or antisocial behaviours such as hostility, violence, or crime. Forgiveness can also increase prosocial or altruistic behaviours such as kindness, compassion, or generosity. Forgiveness can also improve social and emotional skills such as empathy, self-regulation, or problem-solving. Forgiveness can also prevent or reduce emotional and behavioural difficulties such as anxiety, depression, or conduct disorder.
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Therefore, forgiveness is a significant concept that can profoundly impact humans’ emotional, ethical, cultural, relational, administrative, and behavioural growth and development. Forgiveness is not only a personal or psychological phenomenon but also a social or relational one. Forgiveness is not only a passive or reactive process but also an active or proactive one. Forgiveness is a one-time or occasional event and a continuous or lifelong journey. However, despite the sublimity of forgiveness, certain sins should not go unforgiven. Forgiveness does not mean the weakness of a personality; instead, it is a monumental human value depicting human compassion, tenderness and devotion to humanity.
However, there are multiple challenges to the extraordinary human value of forgiveness. Some offences are more difficult to forgive than others, depending on how much harm they caused, how intentional they were, how often they occurred, and how they affected the victim’s life. For example, forgiving a minor insult may be easier than forgiving a profound betrayal or a violent crime.
The relationship between the offender and the victim is also significant in determining the measurement of forgiveness. The closeness and importance of the relationship may influence the willingness and ability to forgive. For example, forgiving a family member or a friend may be harder than forgiving a stranger or an acquaintance because the expectations and emotions are higher. On the other hand, forgiving someone who is close and valuable may also motivate the victim to restore the relationship and heal the wound.
The personality and attitude of the victim is also critical. The victim’s personal traits and beliefs may affect how they perceive and respond to the offence. For example, some people may be more forgiving than others by nature or by virtue of their religious or moral values. Some people may also have more positive coping skills and resilience than others, which can help them overcome the negative effects of the offence. However, some people may also have difficulty forgiving because of low self-esteem, insecurity, or fear of being hurt again.
The response and behaviour of the offender are also crucial for a person to forgive or not. The offender’s actions and words after the offence may influence the victim’s decision to forgive or not. For example, if the offender shows genuine remorse, apology, or restitution, the victim may feel more inclined to forgive. However, if the offender denies, minimizes, or justifies the offence or repeats it in the future, the victim may feel more resentful and angry.
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The social and cultural context also determines the forgiveness. The norms and expectations of the society and culture in which the offence occurred may affect the process and outcome of forgiveness. For example, some cultures may value forgiveness as a virtue or a duty, while others may view it as a weakness or a betrayal. Some cultures may also have different ways of expressing and practising forgiveness, such as through rituals, ceremonies, or mediation. Additionally, some social factors, such as peer pressure, media influence, or legal consequences, may also play a role in facilitating or inhibiting forgiveness. The individual traits of different personalities also measure the varying actions of forgiveness.
Lastly, forgiveness is a challenging but rewarding endeavour that can benefit both the forgiver and the forgiven. However, forgiveness is not a simple process that can be achieved easily or quickly. Many factors can make forgiveness more difficult or impossible for some people. Therefore, it is essential to understand these challenges and seek appropriate help and support when needed. Then, it is easy to forgive in personal wrongs but not in collective wrongs. Therefore, it is a foremost obligation not to do wrong to others to avoid the tough choices of forgiveness.
